Unforgotten Memories
by Hot Crimson Passion
Summary: Some things are best left forgotten, but what if the only things that you can't forget are the things you most wanted to?
1. Chapter 1

Unforgotten Memories

Disclaimer: I don't own square….except a lot of shiny round things…what do you mean, they aren't real money?!?!?!?!

Warning: This is a challenge set for me by my best friend/cousin. He asked me if I could write a FFVIII fic with no definitive pairing…this is the result. So in the end, it might be yaoi, it might not be. Just enjoy the reading, right?

Chapter One

Ever notice that the things that you most want to forget seem to be the things that you tend to remember the clearest? I discovered this a long time ago, when I wanted to forget my first kiss. And my first boyfriend. And my first time. Unlike most people, or like too many, I just wanted to forget, to be left alone, away from these haunting memories that plague my thoughts, my dreams my every waking moment.

But why? Aren't these supposed to be some of a teenager's fondest memories? It's a pity that they didn't really happen when I was a teenager. I was so young when they all happened. My first kiss happened when I was only six years old, but I still remember it as if it happened yesterday. It is one of my earliest memories, even after all these years of abuse the Guardian Forces. It is one memory that has stood out in my mind even after all these years.

The warm spring breeze tossed my already messy hair, the only sound that I could hear was the melodic sound of the ocean waves crashing upon the sandy white shores of our private little beach.

The ocean. So vast and endless, I couldn't even begin to think of all the times that I would lay here at sunset and dream about going far away, somewhere beyond where my eyes are able to see. But now that the dream is about to become reality, I can't think of another place where I want to spend the rest of my life.

Picking up a handful of the grainy white sand, I opened my palm to allow the wind to pick up each grain and take it to some place new, beyond the sea. Tomorrow all this will be gone. I felt like crying, emotions overflowing, but I just couldn't find the tears.

Hearing someone approach me from behind, I leaned back, burying my hands into the warm sand.

"So, this is where you've been hiding." The unmistakable voice said, coming from the direction of the orphanage. "Matron has been looking for you. She's real worried."

I could only find it in me to shrug, a little mad that my moments of serenity at the seashore have been interrupted.

"Are you going to miss this place? Everyone, everything?" He questioned, trying as hard as me not to show his emotions. My companion didn't wait didn't wait for an invitation before sitting beside me. Whether or not I wanted to admit it, I have always felt better when he was around. And I have no idea why.

"I don't know." I whispered, truly not knowing my feelings on this matter.

"I'm not. I think that the only thing that I will miss is this." Was his cryptic reply.

"What?" An automatic answer fell from my lips before I could even think about what I was saying.

"This. Us sitting out here at sunset. Only you and me. None of those other brats annoying us. Do you think that there is a chance that we will be sent to places that are close to each other?" that one question showed me that he was sharing my insecurities about leaving tomorrow. To think that Matron was shipping all of us away tomorrow made me already miss the only home and family that I have ever known. And more than that, miss these special times with him.

"I don't know. I wonder if it will be close to the ocean." I voiced my only thought of the moment as he wrapped his small arm around my equally small shoulders.

He let out a breathless laugh, but I wasn't sure what was so funny. "I never thought that you'd be what I'd miss the most from these humble beginnings." He spoke with a wisdom that was beyond his young years. I guess being orphaned at a young age in the middle of a major war like all of us here have been, it makes you grow up so much faster then you should.

"It's okay to miss something." I whispered, looking into his clear eyes. Were those tears that I saw there? No, they couldn't be.

Before I knew what was happening, I felt his lips pressed firmly against my own. So this is a kiss. I knew that this is what Mr. Kramer always did to Matron when she wanted some comfort. Not knowing what else to do, I wrapped my arms around him, causing our lips to press together even harder than before. There was just something that felt so right about this embrace. I don't know what made me do it, but something motivated me to part my lips and dared to poke my tongue out to touch his lips. For some reason I just wanted to feel him, taste him, know that even just for another few hours he is still there, real and I can forget that after tomorrow I quite possibly will never see him again. He never stopped amazing me. Never. Not once. He'd always do the last thing that you'd expect him to do. And I was sure that this would be another one of those times. He didn't disappoint me.

He opened his mouth, granting both me and my tongue access to the unexplored depths of those forbidden territories. In a completely natural motion, his tongue darted out to greet mine. I was entranced. This felt so good, and once he started to rub his tongue against mine, it only started to feel even better. It reminded me of that movie that Matron always likes to watch when she thought that we were all asleep. The one with all the mushy kissing and stuff. I guess it really wasn't as bad as I thought it would have been. Maybe he had been watching them without letting anyone else know. I know that I liked doing it better than I like watching it.

His arms around my shoulders tightened as his tongue tried to touch and cover every inch of my mouth, rubbing against my tongue, teeth, cheeks, everything and anything. I'll never forget what he tasted like though. A mixture of honey and blueberries. The flavour was intoxicating, and I couldn't help but try and drink up as much as possible before I had to give up the taste. I never wanted this moment to end as we sat there for who knows how long, aware of only each other in the long forgotten sunset.

My body felt some tingles go through out it as he began to run his hand through my hair, trying as hard as I was to keep as much physical contact between us as possible. All I could do was to move my hands from around his shoulder to clasp behind his neck, resulting in the entire fronts of out bodies to press against one another. My heart started to beat faster and faster with every parting moment, leaving me addicted to the emotions I was feeling. The sound of blood rushing through my veins, audible only to me, was as deafening as a waterfall, but I didn't want it to change, I only wanted to stay locked in the familiarity of his embrace forever. To not leave tomorrow to never see him again. But was power does a six year old have against Matron?

This thought marked the end of my happiness as he slid his tongue back into his own mouth and closed his lips to me. I let out a whimper, a sound that I could only describe as longing, wanting and refusal to accept our impending separation tomorrow.

A soft smile grazed his features as he placed a chaste kiss on my already kiss swollen lips, still holding me tightly in his arms.

"Did you have to stop?" I whispered, a traitorous tear finding its way out of the corner of my eye and onto my flushed cheek.

"Don't worry, Koneko, No one is around to see you cry." His lips still formed a sad smile almost make me want to break down and cry until the morning, when I will be forcibly taken from the only friends, the only family, the only home that I have ever known.

"Koneko? What's that mean?" I questioned, fiercely wiping my hands against my face to rid my skin of the tears that I had desperately tried to keep buried inside.

"It's a word from a long dead language." He spoke with a knowledge that betrayed his youthful age. "It means kitten. The sound that you just made reminded me of a kitten wanting more of its momma's milk. So that's what I'm going to call you from now on."

I pressed my body closer to his, feeling very vulnerable all of a sudden. "I like it." I whisper directly into his ear.

"I wasn't lying when I told you that you would me the only thing that I will miss from here." As he told me this, he stroked his hand over my hair, the gesture calming me more than I would ever like to admit. I paused for a moment before I gather my thoughts and started speaking.

"I could never miss anything from this place. But I know that I will always miss you." I told him, and there is a pause in the stroking of my hair.

"Thanks, Koneko." He smiled a real smile this time, and then stood up, pulling me with him. "Come on. Matron is probably giving herself a heart attack with worry. Plus, I think that it's starting to rain out. We don't want to catch cold." He said to me. I frowned a bit, knowing that it hadn't rained in over a month. But I looked over at him, and I could see wetness leaving streaks on his pale cheeks. Although, it wasn't from the rain.

'Your secret is safe with me.' I thought to myself as we made our way back towards the orphanage.

So, what did you think? I know, it's a little different, but hey, who doesn't like being unique? Anyway, this is going to be a shorter story than what I normally write, about 4 chapters total, and it's actually almost done now. I just have to find time in my hectic life to type/edit it. Speaking of editing, is anyone interested in becoming a beta for me???make puppy dog eyes my current beta has decided that life is too consuming for beta-ing right now. If anyone is interest, please let me know!!

Also, I do have a pairing in mind who this story is about, and there are a couple possible endings. Depending on the support I get from this, it will affect the ending I post. And if I get enough support, I might make a couple of endings, one for the yaoi community, one for the rest. So review and let me know! Free cookies from Shiva for anyone who reviews!


	2. Chapter 2

Unforgotten Memories

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Disclaimer: I don't own square….except a lot of shiny round things…what do you mean, they aren't real money?!?!?!?!

Warning: This is a challenge set for me by my best friend/cousin. He asked me if I could write a FFVIII fic with no definitive pairing…this is the result. So in the end, it might be yaoi, it might not be. Just enjoy the reading, right?

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Chapter Two

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Honey and blueberries. To this day, if I concentrate hard enough, I can still taste it playing on my lips. I never understood why the Guardian Forces left that memory so complete and intact, despite it being from so long ago. Shiva, Ifrit, Leviathan, and Bahamut have all passed through my mind, not one of them attacking that memory. Even when I started to junction at such a young age, eleven to be exact, the Guardians ate up all my other memories, but the memory of my first kiss was always there to be recalled, whether or not I wanted it to be. The same principle applies to the first person to become my boyfriend. The memory housed in my mind that I am the least fond of. It happened less than two months after I started to junction for training, Shiva making herself at home in my mind. I often wonder that if I had refused the help of the Guardians, if anything would have turned out any different.

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"Hey, Koneko. Wait up!" I heard his voice call out behind me. Not wanting to face him at the moment, I pretended that his calls were lost to the crowds that were always present in the hallways of Balamb Garden. Quickly, I continued my journey towards the dormitory hallway. But there was only one problem. He was taller than me, which meant he had longer legs, and could easily catch up to me. Letting out a sigh, I turned around, accepting my fate of having to see him right now.

"What do you want?" I grumbled. I really didn't want to talk to anyone, and he continued to sit at the bottom of the list of people I could tolerate at that moment.

"You seemed pretty pissed off back there. I just wanted to make sure that you were okay, Koneko." He explained, being a completely different person when it was just the two of us, away from the prying eyes of the rest of the world.

"Stop calling me that!" the words left my lips in a harsh manner, and I momentarily hoped that he didn't catch the tone in which I had used. Unfortunately the stricken look of shock on his face was enough to tell me that he definitely caught the tone of my voice.

"I've been calling you that for five years and you've never had a problem with it before. What's crawled up your ass and died? You've been nasty ever since we had that first junction class. I thought I was supposed to be your boyfriend, Koneko."

I froze as his hand slid to my upper arm and squeezed it gently.

"Bo... boyfriend?" I stuttered, pulling my arm away from his stronger than average grip. He must still have had Ifrit junctioned from his training session earlier. I knew that he wasn't that strong naturally. "What do you mean, you're my boyfriend?"

"Stop fooling around, Koneko." His eyes showed the one emotion that rarely, if ever, passed over his features.

Hurt.

Frantically, I pulled my arm out of his grasp and without so much as another word, or look, I stormed off in the direction that I was previously heading in, toward the dormitories. I just needed to get away from him. All this time, he considered himself to be my boyfriend, but did he ever wonder how I would react to that? A thought hit me, and I stopped dead in my tracks, right in the middle of the busy hallway.

Or, maybe he shouldn't have had to consult me on that. Maybe I was the foolish one for not realizing that we had progressed into that stage in our relationship. To think, that I had never actually clued in on the fact, that we were that far along was the most hurtful, no, the most embarrassing part.

Upon reaching my shared dorm, I punched in my access code quickly, praying that my roommate wasn't there. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hated my roommate. I just preferred the times when there was no one else there, and I was able to sit in the peace and quite, and think to myself with no interruptions. Without hesitation, I stepped in and took a look around.

Empty. And Quiet.

Great. At least I had a little time to myself to think over this new revelation in peace. I made my way through the common room, ignoring the slight mess that I had been left with, courtesy of my roommate, and I headed into my bedroom. Falling face up onto my standard issue bed, I started to immediately think over the situation at hand.

My boyfriend? Was I really so blind that I hadn't noticed that much progression in our relationship? I mean, we would kiss every once in a while, but he claimed it was so that when we met that 'special someone', we'd have had a little bit of practice. But doing that didn't make us a couple, did it? We trained together all the time, even though it was just basic unarmed combat, but that's only because we were able to play off each others skills and abilities really well. Nothing about that signifies that we had become a couple, did it?

The more I thought this over, the more the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach swelled. Spending most of our free time together, training together, the small touches, the close contact, the occasional kisses, it all pointed to the same verdict.

He was definitely, without a doubt in my mind, my boyfriend.

Now I was actually a bit curious. How long had we been together without me knowing? Had it only been weeks, or maybe months? Or, Hyne help me, could this have actually been going on for years without my knowledge?

Hyne, that thought scared me more than I could ever imagine, or even care to admit. Could we have really been a couple for that long and I just didn't notice? We had just known each other for so long that everything just seemed kind of natural. Starting out at the orphanage together, with all those other kids, what were their names again? Come to think of it, I couldn't remember much about it except that I was there with him, near the ocean, and I told him that if we ever got separated, he'd be the only thing that I would ever miss.

Sighing again, I rolled over onto my right side, so that my back is towards the cream colored wall. For some reason, I just wanted to be able to watch the door. Deciding that I will accept that fact that I do indeed have a boyfriend, I took a deep breath and tried to figure out what I should do. Obviously I have hurt him, but how could I make it up to him? Maybe he thought that we had broken up. Did I want that instead? Did I really want to lose what we had? After a little bit of thought, I decided that I indeed wanted to continue going out with him. I prepared myself to get up off my bed, to go find him, a little afraid of the state that I may find him in. I could almost perfectly picture the disappointment that was on his features as I left him in the hallway. That was the first time I had really ever seen him hurt emotionally, and I didn't think that I could handle seeing that again.

"Are you in there?" a quite voice came from the direction of the door, and it startled me slightly. I should have expected him to come quickly, and I knew that I was going to have to face him eventually. He didn't wait for a reply before he punched in my code, the door sliding open. "So, this is where you've been hiding."

"I'm not hiding." Was the only thing that came out of my mouth, as I looked over at him as he stood in my doorway, causally leaning against the frame as if everything was still the same between us. But I guess, in a way, it was.

"I know you're embarrassed. I guess I never really asked you. I just assumed that you saw our relationship on the same level as I did." He spoke in a quite tone, not quite whispering, but not yelling at me like I thought he would. He slowly started to move, and he crossed the small dorm room before he sat down beside me on the small bed. I didn't even think about it before I moved my head so that it was lying on his lap as if it was the most natural thing in the world, but for us, it actually was.

"I did." I admitted. "I just wasn't ready to admit it out loud, for anyone to hear." My voice was quite, and I closed my eyes as he began to run his gloved hand through my hair. I have always loved it when he did that. I felt a blush rise on my face before I asked him my next question. "So, how long have we actually been, you know, a couple?"

"Well, Koneko. I think that we should start over." As soon as I heard the words leave his mouth, I shot up into a sitting position. This was it. Before I even get to experience having him as my boyfriend, he was breaking up with me.

"What do you mean, start over?" I could almost feel my heart breaking at his words, and I started to panic, that I had only been there when it was convenient for him. And now that I was aware of his intent, he was going to leave me. I almost began to hyperventilate, before his hands clamped down on my shoulders.

"Don't worry, Koneko. We'll just say that today is our first day together. Nothing different." He whispered in my ear, causing a chill to rush down my spine. I turned to face him, and his lips were on mine immediately. I don't know what it was about that simple action, but it made me feel whole, and complete. To put it in one word, his kisses always make me melt. I hoped I would never have to go without those honey flavored kisses.

"Don't leave me, ever." I whispered before I realized I had even said anything.

"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He spoke quietly into my hair as he cuddled me closer onto his lap.

I closed my eyes and allowed myself to get lost in my thoughts for a moment. I was going to be twelve in a couple of months, that making me one year closer to becoming a SeeD. As soon as I turned twelve, I officially became a junior cadet, and I had a boyfriend.

Boyfriend. My lips broke into a small smile when I thought of that, despite the happenings of the past hour. The only person in my life that has always been there for me, the only one who has ever kept his promises, the only one who has never left me alone. He's mine. Only mine. I never had to share him again. My boyfriend.

"What are you sitting there grinning like a geezard for?" he asked, ruffling my hair. Hyne, his hands felt so good going through my hair.

"Just how we are a couple. How I never have to share you again, and that you are my boyfriend and only mine." I smiled.

"And I will be only yours forever. I swear. As long as you promise that you will always be mine." He looked at me with a rare emotion passing over his eyes and face. Hope. And I just couldn't help but feel the same.

"I promise." I replied, before I leaned in for a kiss.

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A huge, huge, HUGE thank you to elichi for beta-ing this for me, you really have no idea how much it is appreciated!

Anyway, I really like how this is coming along, I have two, maybe three more chapters of this, and I will ruin out three people for couplings right now: it's not Selphie, Irvine or Rinoa. Tee hee! Other than that, I hope everyone is enjoying this! Please R&R


	3. Chapter 3

Unforgotten Memories

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Disclaimer: I don't own square….except a lot of shiny round things…what do you mean, they aren't real money?!?!?!?!

Warning: This is a challenge set for me by my best friend/cousin. He asked me if I could write a FFVIII fic with no definitive pairing…this is the result. So in the end, it might be yaoi, it might not be. Just enjoy the reading, right?

Also, there is a citrus taste to this chapter, and therefore, I have changed the rating to M to avoid being yelled at. Oh, and no there is still not a definitive pairing, so everyone just enjoy!

And eighteen million thank you's go out to elichi, my most wonderful beta!

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Chapter Three

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I never in a thousand Hyne forsaken years would believe that my first boyfriend would be Him. Or, that we would last beyond the two weeks that most relationships at that age last for. Or that he would be my first. But in a way, he was my first for everything else, so it made sense that he would also be my first sex partner. And just like all my other memories concerning my firsts with him, the Guardian forces that have passed though my mind have left those memories in tact. And I often wonder if they have those memories there and intact to taunt me, and nothing more. My first time was no different. It happened on the eve of my thirteenth birthday, the day I was planning on heading out for a short field mission to train with the potential weapons that we might choose tomorrow. He had been gone for the last week on a pre-SeeD mission, and I was positive that he was anxious to get back. But I never expected to be greeted in the way that I was.

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As I laid on my bed, I flipped through several copies of Weapons Monthly that some of my instructors had let me borrow to help me get an idea of what all the weapons that I would be able to practice with the next day. I wished I had a few models of the various weapons to practice with right then, but I knew that would never have happened. There were just so many choices! When you turned 13, you finally got to begin specializing in a single weapon. And I was just as excited about it as any other cadet. It would have been nice if I was able to share this excitement with him though. We were together for nearly a year and a half, and I knew that he was about ready to take our relationship to the next level. I was the one that had all the reservations about sex. Don't get me wrong, we had done our share of fooling around, but it just never got to the stage of full on intercourse.

It's not that I didn't love him, but I was worried that one of us would end up kicked out of Garden for breaking the Garden Protocol. With the no sexual promiscuousness rule, it really was a tense subject for every single student here. They weren't going to kick you out just for having sex, but they highly discouraged it. Because if too many people discovered that they had a mutual partner, they'd get upset about it, and they would go to the faculty. That usually led to an official inquiry, and more often than not, dismissal. We all had seen it happen. But for the people who took it to the faculty, life became equally as hard. They were pegged as slut, liars, and cheaters. No one would associate with them, except others of their kind. It was sad really. I wasn't implying that that would be what happened to us, or that I wasn't ready, it was just that I didn't want to ruin what we had.

Before I could think too far into it, the door to my dorm room flew open, and standing there with an odd look on his face, was him. A small smile tried to find its way onto my face, but the strange grin on his features struck me as one that should cause me to worry.

"You're back early. Welcome back." I said, and then placed the magazine on the floor, as he began to walk towards me.

"Thanks, Koneko." His grin never faltered, and it almost scared me. He sat down beside me, before he used his larger hands to guide me down into a laying position. "I wanted to give you something really special for you birthday. This is the only thing that I could think of." His voice was so quiet, but loud enough for me to catch the meaning.

As he ran a hand down my tense stomach, down to play with hem of my shirt, I took a deep breath. My heart was beating so fast, both from excitement and fear. And by the expression that I saw on his face, he realized the latter of my expressions.

"Don't be afraid, Koneko. Everything is going to be fine. I promise I will be gentle. I would never hurt you. All you have to do is tell me to stop." He whispered into my ear, as he started to lift my shirt up, at first only enough to expose my stomach, but as soon as my arms cooperated with him, the material was lifted right off my body, leaving my body and chest completely exposed. Before I had the chance to cover myself up, his hands pinned my wrists above my head.

"Don't hide. You're beautiful." He tried to calm me down by raking his free hand through my hair. And it was definitely working. Not wasting another moment, his lips found their way to my neck, as he began to nip and suckle at the sensitive flesh. The tingling rush that took over my body was like nothing that I had ever felt before. The only thing that I wanted was to have him as close as possible, no barriers. A hand travelled down, only to stop at the button of my jeans.

"May I?" he whispered into my neck, before he lifted his head and I was looking directly into his lust filled eyes. Deep within those never ending pools, there was another emotion that made the whole night feel right. Love. Although we never actually verbally said it to one another, everything he could ever say was right there for me to see.

Still feeling his fingers dancing over the button and zipper, I nodded, giving him the access that he wanted. I felt his every movement as he popped the button out of the hole, the slid the zipper down, and Hyne above, did it ever feel good. Before I knew it, He was pushing everything down, and with every newly exposed patch of skin, his lips were there, kissing first the tops of my thighs, before he started to use his tongue to draw a trail down to my inner thigh, which caused me to buck my hips up towards him. I needed to feel him, I had to feel him.

"Please!" I whispered, hoping that he got the message of what it was I wanted. As I looked into his eyes, I see a grand smile that reaches all the way to the centre of his eyes.

"Whatever you say, Koneko." He grinned before pulling my pants right off. I blushed at the thought of being completely exposed to him, before I try to cover up using my arms. "Don't." he told me as he stood up and gracefully pulled his t-shirt over his head. I couldn't help but stare at the sight of his exposed chest. If he looks this good now, I can't wait to see him in a couple of years. But that thought was pushed from my mind quickly; as I watched him slide his jeans down, revealing that he was wearing no underwear. So there he stood, in all his full glory, and I was there practically drooling over him. I couldn't believe that we had waited this long.

I heard him pull something out of his jeans pocket before throwing them across the room, and he crawled onto the bed beside me.

"This will probably hurt a little, Koneko." He whispered, and I listened to the crinkling of what seemed to be some sort of wrapper.

I nodded my acknowledgement of his words as he pushed my knees apart, before he positioned himself between my parted legs.

"I'm ready." I told him, in a soft tone, only focusing on his eyes in front of me. I felt him lift my hips off the bed a little, and then I felt him position himself at my entrance, teasing me. I braced myself the best I could in preparation, wondering to myself how this would actually feel. My anxiety and apprehension were overwhelming, and then I started to feel a slight pressure. Time seems to have completely stopped at the moment, before he began to push himself into my body. And that's when it hit me.

A blinding flash of pain. Tears stung at my eyes, and I let out a whimper.

"Stop, please." I whispered, barely audible even to my own ears. The pain didn't stop, yet there was a look of pure euphoria on his face as he set himself a pace to follow, a pace that sent a sear of sharp pain up my spine. I could feel the tears welding up at the corners of my eyes as I continued to beg for him to stop. But, he was too far gone in his sexual bliss to hear my pleas.

"Hyne, Koneko. You feel so tight. This is heaven." He cried out in pleasure, and that's when I realized that he wasn't going to stop until he was sated. I drew myself completely into my mind, trying to block out the physical hurt, as well as the mental anguish. I just laid there like a lifeless doll, the tears poured down my cheeks, as he roughly shoved his tongue into my mouth. And for the first time that I can remember, his kiss was unwelcome.

I cut myself off from reality; blackness overcame my vision, numbness falling over my body. I could feel nothing except the rhythmic shot of pain that extended the complete length of my body every time. I endured the pain as long as I possibly could, and abruptly, it all stopped.

With my body lying limply on the bed, I vaguely felt a sense of relief as he pulled himself out, leaving me feeling empty. I curled into the foetal position, needing to feel a little comfort.

"What's wrong?" he asked, voice still airy with sexual aggression and exhaustion. I felt his hand come to rest on my inner thigh, and his reaction confirmed to me what I know must be there. "Hyne above, why the hell is there blood?"

I snorted in response, the pain still there, as strong as ever. It didn't surprise me in the least that there was blood, but I didn't want to believe that he would act so, so naïve, and innocent about it.

I had no strength to speak, so I simply glared at him. Meeting my eyes for the first time since he entered me, it seemed that he finally noticed the tears staining my cheeks.

"Did I hurt you that much? I didn't think that it would have been that painful." He insisted, but I knew that I just couldn't deal with that at the moment. I closed my eyes once again, eager to be welcomed back into darkness's comforting embrace.

"Just leave." I whispered, gathering all my strength for those two simple words, the tears still threatening to fall.

"I'm sorry Koneko. I seriously didn't think that it would have hurt that much." He pleaded with me, but I refused to open my eyes to look at him.

"Just leave, please." I whimpered, as I pulled the blanket around me like it was a life support. "Go." The fresh tears rolled down my cheeks, as I began to once again retreat into the blackness of that painless void.

"Alright." His voice was quiet, in a defeated tone of voice, and I felt him get off the bed. A minute or two later, I heard the door close and I finally opened my eyes.

He's gone.

But there was only one thing that infuriated me. The bastard lied and never said he was sorry.

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Now, that was probably the most difficult thing that I have ever written, lol. It's really hard to write a scene like that with knowing the pairing or even if it is het or yaoi!

The next chapter will most likely be the end of this little adventure, but I would love to know who people think that the couple is/should/will turn out to be. I will make it easier on everyone and say that Seifer is the dominate one, congrads to everyone who guessed that! And with what I said earlier, Koneko is not Selphie, Irvine or Rinoa. So that leaves Quistis, Squall or Zell. Everyone cast your guess/vote with who you think by reviewing and I will try to have the last chapter out soon! Thank you all for reading this strange little product of my sugar driven mind!


	4. Chapter 4

Unforgotten Memories

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Disclaimer: I don't own square….except a lot of shiny round things…what do you mean, they aren't real money?!?!?!?!

Warning: This is a challenge set for me by my best friend/cousin. He asked me if I could write a FFVIII fic with no definitive pairing…this is the result. So in the end, it might be yaoi, it might not be. Just enjoy the reading, right?

This is the last chapter, yay!!! So, I got lots of pm's and emails with thoughts of who the couple could be, and this is the result! I hope that everyone likes the ending to this, I am quite happy with it myself! Thanks to everyone out there who is reading this story!

Elichi????? Where are you??? Please email me! Warning, this chapter has only been slightly beta'd by my fabulously fantastic twin, who has never played FFVIII and is going by some character/story descriptions that she got off the net.

Enough with my rambling, now, on with the ficcage!

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Chapter Four

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I never did talk to him after that, and with the silent treatment, it came as a given that we had broken up. And over the next several years, the Guardian Forces that we relied on so much consumed our memories. Eventually I forgot everything about the relationship, except the three firsts that I had experienced with him. Even his face became only a blur. With that, the tension between us grew each and everyday. We ended up hating one another, our entwined past nothing but a deeply buried fantasy. We didn't remember anything. And after the war, when we all stopped using the Guardian Forces, our memories started to return. Not all at once, but gradually. As I began to remember, I regained my feelings of betrayal, hate, rage…everything that I always had, but I began to regard them in a different light.

The feelings still hurt me, but I knew that we both had been young and stupid. He had been too caught up in pleasure, and I in pain, to know how to deal with each other. Don't get me wrong, I still feel hurt by him, and a little angry because he didn't stop when I asked him to, but I think that I have been able to forgive him, and possibly, maybe, I might be able to love him again. Unfortunately, I still haven't seen him since the war ended. Just my luck that after not remembering him for years, the first time I do remember him and want to see him, I can't.

In the two months since the war, I have discovered a few things about myself. First and foremost, is that I'm not sure that being a SeeD is the right thing for me anymore. Helping to save the world once is enough for me. But until I decide what I do want to do, I'll continue living this life that I am currently in. Also, I have discovered that I wouldn't mind having him back in my life for good, having a real relationship together. And what's more, I don't want to have a relationship with anyone but him.

Lately, I have taken to wandering the beach alone whenever I want to think. It reminds me of those innocent times from my childhood when I would sit out on the shoreline for hours, often watching a full tide go out or come in before anyone would come to find me. Even then, it was normally him who found me, and more often than not, he would join me. But those days are over, never to return. So as I sit here, the moon light playing over the waves, I reflect on the memories that I have, hoping that someday I might be able to feel the comfort of his kisses, the safety of being held in his arms, and the joy of just being able to lay down with him.

And in just one moment, my piece of serenity is shattered, the foot steps of an intruder quickly being picked up by my still overly-sensitized ears. Great. It is probably just some green horned cadet who somehow got roped into coming to find me. Because Hyne forbid that after saving the world, you can disappear for a few minutes of quietness and peace.

"Whoever is there, I'm sorry you had to come all the way out here. I'll be back to Garden soon. Just head back and tell the headmaster that I'll come back when I damn well feel like it.!" I exclaim, exasperated that I can't get a moment of peace and quiet. My eyes never leave the silvery, shiny ocean.

I don't get a response from the cadet while sitting there, and I let out a sigh. This night can't possibly get any better, can it? The messenger is star struck.

"Koneko?" The word is almost lost in the mid-autumn breeze coming off the water. My eyes go wide as I turn around and focus first on his voice, and then on the legs that I see, clad in black leather pants. My mind is racing, as is my heart. Here he is, standing in front of me, and I can't even find the courage to look up at his face. Lovely.

"Ah, um, hi." I whisper, trying to gather my wits about me enough to produce coherent speech. The splashing of the waves against the shore is the only sound for what seems like an eternity, until his voice breaks through my thoughts once more.

"Do you mind if I sit down? You seemed a little bit upset about someone bothering you just there." Oh, how I've missed hearing his voice in a tone other than hate and contempt.

"Sure." Is all I manage to squeak out, before he sits down in the sand beside me. And for the first time in years, I am able to see his face, clear of any anger or resentment. It is like we are back at the orphanage together, just the two of us on the beach. The only sound is the crashing of the waves, with an innocence that has since been lost, hovering over us, our shared past nothing but a hazy dream. I look away quickly, unable to keep my gaze locked on him, and instead stare out at the silvery wave.

"Did you remember anything from before the war, after you came out of Time compression?" he whispers, almost as if he were afraid that speaking any louder would destroy the moment.

I take a deep breath; I knew that this would be his first question.

"You mean about us?" I get a single nod from him as I dig my gloved hand into the sand, feeling the expired heat of the day clinging onto the fine grains deep down. "I never completely forgot. I just didn't remember that you had been all those important firsts. Your face had become a blur. But I never actually forgot about them." I let out a deep sigh; I know that he will be disappointed with my response.

I can hear him shuffling in the sand next to me; I look over towards him, and see that he has moved directly next to me, effectively closing the three foot gap he had originally placed between us.

"That's more than I deserve, Koneko. I treated you like shit that night." His voice is still in a whisper, and I turn quickly to look at him. For the first time in almost five years, I am looking directly into his eyes. The endless pools of colour are focused only on me, daring me to get lost in those depths for all of eternity. But behind all that illustrious colour is something that I did not expect to see. Sorrow.

"I've gotten over it." I whisper, my mouth going off without the consent of my brain.

"But I haven't, Koneko." He replies quickly. "I left you that night bleeding and broken hearted," I make a move to cut him off, but a raised hand stops me. "I told you that I would stop, and all I could think of was getting off! How can you even stand to look at me after that? I didn't even tell you that I was sorry." He turns away from me, hanging his head in shame.

"I couldn't, not for the longest time. I couldn't even stand hearing your name being said. So I threw myself into my studies. And with that, I trained as hard as I could with the GF's. So I gradually forgot." I shrug, finding little reason to continue my hatred towards him.

I hear him let out a quick laugh, no humour in it at all. "You're not suppose to make me feel like I did nothing wrong. You're supposed to be yelling at me. Hyne, I want you to beat me up. You aren't supposed to make me feel that it never happened."

"But it did happen, and it's also in the past. We were young and stupid. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and not repeat them. Time Compression taught me a lot of things, most of all about my own mortality. So we just have to accept these things and move on." I look over at him, staring at his clasped hands, his eyes not making a move to look at me. Another round of silence takes over and once again, he is the one to break it.

"So you want to move on?" he murmurs, and from the tone of his voice, he sounds almost afraid to hear my answer.

"Yes." I reply quickly.

And that is when he abruptly stands up and begins to walk away. Panic floods over me, and I realize that I may have just lost him forever. And after my earlier revelation, I know that I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hadn't at least given him another chance.

"Wait, please." I call out, reaching a hand out and grabbing his wrist. It's not a tight hold, but it effectively stops him in his tracks to look down at me. "You wouldn't let me interrupt you before, so now it is your turn to not interrupt me. So please don't jump to conclusions." I'm not pleading or begging, and he knows that. I could never do that. I am simply requesting this of him. With a heavy sigh, he retakes his seat next to me.

"Alright, Koneko. Go on." He answers me, apologizing in his own way. He will never change, and honestly, I never want him to.

I take a deep breath and then look down at my feet. Somehow, I can no longer meet his eyes. "Yes, I want to move on. I want to move on from mercenary work, from all this drama that comes with this life. I don't want what we had before, I want something more. Something real, something that will last forever. And I want that something with you. That is, if you'll have me." I whisper, and cautious of what his reaction might be, I continue to avert my eyes.

The ever threatening silence is upon us once again, always waiting to engulf us in her loving arms. A shore bird calls out, and it is the only sound I hear as we both sit here analyzing our thoughts. I didn't waste any time in telling him that I want to have a real relationship with him, and I wonder how he will take it. He probably only came back to get on speaking terms again, not for a confession of my feelings. We sit here for an eternity.

"You really want to be with me again?" he asks quietly, looking towards the sky.

I jump slightly at the sound of his voice, but when I hear his words, I nod. "But I hurt you so much before, I couldn't stand to have that happen again."

"Don't worry. It won't happen again, I won't let it happen." I state firmly. "Everything will be consensual. And we will be prepared for that type of situation when it happens again." I finally build up enough nerve to look at him again, only to find him looking directly at me. I feel a slight blush rise to my cheeks, and quickly turn away.

"The question, Koneko, is if you want me back?" A sad look is in his eyes, almost as if he had expected this to be exposed as some sort of cruel joke. If only he knew how serious I am being.

"Of course I do." I barely get the words out of my mouth before I find myself pushed back into the pale sand, the familiar weight of him on top of me, our bodies touching in all the right places, sending chills up my spine- all of them good. I know what is coming, and close my eyes in anticipation. I'm not left waiting long before his lips are on mine. The pressure is light at first, but as soon as my arms reach up and wrap around the back of his neck, he crushes his lips against mine. With no hesitation, I part my lips, desperate to taste that haunting flavour known only to me as him.

My tongue slips out, first tracing his lips, tasting the salt that is coming off the ocean, but that is not what I am looking for. After some cajoling, his thin lips part, finally granting me my return access to the haven once more. And with the single action of his own tongue questing out to meet mine, my senses are once again overwhelmed with the taste of honey and blueberries, mixed with something faintly spicy. But all I care about is tasting him, drinking everything in to give me solid proof that this is really happening.

And before I gather enough proof to satisfy myself, I feel him pull away, leaving me wanton and desperate for more. As I begin to lean forward in an attempt to resume the kiss, a gloved finger is pressed to my lips. I assure you, it wasn't my own.

"Wait a minute, Koneko." He whispers, his hand slowly sliding down my face to cup my cheek, his thumb continuing to caress my moist lips. If not for the serious tone in his voice, I could have easily begun to suck on the leather clad digit. But from the way he sounds, I refrain from doing so.

"Yes, what is it?" I ask, enjoying the feel of his body flush against my own.

He looks directly into my eyes, before his slightly bruised lips part and he begins to speak.

"I just wanted to let you know, Koneko, that I promise, under no circumstances will I allow myself to hurt you like I did the last time. I promise to think of you before thinking of myself, and last of all, I promise that I will never leave you again." As he finishes his little speech, his mouth forms into a smile, and I pull him back down on top of me. Not for a kiss, not for anything more than a forceful embrace.

And I decide right then and there, that I never want to be without him again.

"I love you." I whisper, my mouth moving seemingly on its own accord. But as much as I want to, I can't hate myself for telling him the truth, a truth that has been there all along, but has never been allowed to reach the surface. I watch as the smile on his face extends all the way to his eyes.

"I love you too, Koneko." His returned words give me a warm feeling all over, and I finally feel as if my life is complete. And although I am not content with my job, am uncertain about my future, and unsure of how our relationship will progress, I am happier than I've ever been. But there is one final thing weighing on my shoulders.

"I have a question…" I trail off, still holding him close.

"What is it, Koneko?" he replies.

"Will you ever call me by my given name again?" I break into a small smile, before he leans in and gives me a soft peck on the lips.

"Never again, Koneko. Never again."

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Now, before you all try and kill me, LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!! runs and hides behind tree Is it safe to come out now? I hope that no one is too mad at me, but this was the plan from the beginning dodges airborne pitchfork Hey, who threw that? I really just could not really decide on who the pairing was going to be, and when people pointed out all the different things that made it seem like the different pairings, it made sense to me, so I just left it up in the air. So for all of you who wanted a SeiferxQuistis, here you are, and for all of those who were hoping for a SeiferxZell, it's yours, and last but not least, for all the SeiferxSquall fans, this ones for you. And if anyone wanted another pairing, feel free to make it that!

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this deranged piece of my insanity, and a special thanks to joker5253 for this wonderful idea, you know that you wish it was you! To elichi, once again you are the bestest beta ever, please email me! And to my fantastically fabulous twin, you are a lifesaver, and no more insominatic nights on msn, kay? Until the next one, please R&R, and later!


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